I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Who died my cat blue again?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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