I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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