All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
