im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
