i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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