I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
