It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Come on in and take your pants off
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