I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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