Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
