Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
