I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
