You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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