his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
