i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
