Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
smell my finger.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
