tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
