Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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