Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
