Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
