this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
