So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Alive.
So much puke
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
