When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
