Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
