took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
