Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
