You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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