just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
