I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
