That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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