dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
