My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I love you. Go after that dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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