This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
