I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
