well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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