I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
