i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
