I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
