i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
