Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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