Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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