Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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