Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
