carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
