I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
