Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
where are my eyebrows?
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