Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
