i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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