i was born a porn star she said
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
