1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
