I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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